LESSONS FROM A MOUNTAINEER

1.

Drop off belongings at

The Ridges Resort and Marina
in Hiawassee, Georgia

And relax a while before pursuing hiking extravaganza

2.

Pass time by:

playing a game of checkers

(without knowing the rules)

Watching lonely ducks swim in the lake

Tossing beanbags

(better than hubby- ha)

3.

Never pass on hot apple cider, warm chocolate chip cookies,

and s'mores every evening

4.

When traveling to the mountains with a cold,

be prepared to NyQuil, VapoRub, and overall

just do a lot of suffering

5.

The amazing chocolate wrap at Michaelee's Chocolate Caffe

cannot be enjoyed with a stuffy nose

And hubby will make sure you know that

6. 

But at least make up for previous Michaelee's disappointment by later

stuffing face with biggest slice of carrot cake ever encountered

7.

Be kind to housekeeping for cleaning up snotty messes

and leaving notes with scary-looking happy-faces on it

8.

Take hiking signs seriously

9.

Descending 347 steps is easy...

10.

Ascending 347 steps...
not so much

11.

Taking pictures of foliage and flowers... *wheeze*

is in no way... *wheeze*

an excuse for... *wheeze*

catching your breath... *wheeze*

weak-sauce... *wheeze*

12.

To prevent profound dizziness and faintness of heart,

do not imagine falling long distances and

do not vigorously shake the suspension bridge

13.
Must have a trusty steed
to travel up gravelly embankments on a mountain...

ford a river...

and take you to a secluded, road-less-traveled, hiking trail
that is reminiscent of the Blair Witch Project

14.

Do not hike to the waterfalls with a full bladder

if you'd rather not have your ideals on modesty thoroughly challenged

Contemplating...

Tempted...

Really shouldn't...

15.

Remember your inner asian and always

pack ramen noodles with instant rice

Feast under candlelight for a little added romance

End.